What’s the cost of avoiding conflict at all costs?
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Red will admit that she’s always been an ostrich, although she’s not sure whether it was to avoid dealing with things she didn’t like or to avoid conflict at all costs, but knows whatever position she takes, Black will probably take the opposing side just for the fun of it.
Growing up, Red was the “nice” one, wanting to please everyone, which made her very easy to get along with. Black, on the other hand, has always thought of arguing as sport, often not even agreeing with the position she takes, but doing so merely to see if she can win the other person over. Or just to annoy them. (Or, sometimes, both.)
Some things never change. Even today, Red still goes out of her way to avoid arguments or disagreements but has learned that sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. Or, at least, speak up when something doesn’t seem right. No matter how uncomfortable it may be. And that’s where her theater degree comes in handy, as she can pretend to be someone else.
Black, of course, takes a more direct approach as she knows,
Doing nothing is a decision. It is a decision to accept the status quo. And, saying nothing implies you are in agreement.
Which was a difficult concept for Red to embrace as she always thought of herself as the dutiful daughter, and then the dutiful wife, until her “crisis” when her husband got fired. Then she turned to Black hoping for answers, and instead, Black made her realize that she would have to ask some very uncomfortable questions – of her husband and, ultimately, of herself.
It was either that or just remain a passenger in her life, allowing someone else to control the situation and her future. And her daughters’ futures. Sometimes we get forced to the point where we can no longer stay quiet. But along the way, Red made a very interesting discovery,
As much as I always avoided conflict, I never realized that I had the ability to stand up for what I believed. And to confront others when necessary. I may not have done it for myself, but in doing it for my daughters, I found an inner strength I never knew existed. However, unlike Black, I’ll never find it fun.
Sometimes we think we can’t do something until we try and realize we can. But there’s a big difference between standing up for what you believe and looking for an excuse to debate. And not everything’s worth making an issue of, which explains why Red still believes in conflict avoidance … especially when it comes to disagreeing with Black.
When the news is challenging or life’s stressful, there’s something comforting about Girl Scout cookies. Always has been, which is why we’re rerunning this post from several years ago.
Girl Scouts, though, are about so much more than cookies, as year-round girls learn important life skills, gain confidence, and discover leadership skills. But buying cookies is such a sweet way (sorry, we couldn’t resist) to support the organization. Red’s favorite is the classic shortbread (now known as Trefoils), and Black buys a large assortment and gives them all away.
But hurry! Cookie season ends on March 23.
P.S. - If S’mores and Toast-Yay! are your favorites … make sure you stock up as this is the last year they’ll be available.
Let's play word association. If we say, "Girl Scouts," what's the first word that comes to mind? Ok, what's the second word?
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: When Juliette "Daisy" Gordon Low organized the first Girl Scout meeting – hoping to create an organization that redefined what was possible for girls everywhere – there was no way for her to know the difference it would make in the lives of millions of girls and their communities.
Many people's first (and sometimes only) image of Girl Scouts is as cookie salespeople – either selling door-to-door or at a make-shift table at a grocery or other store (or having their parents hand you an order form). But if you've been a Girl Scout (both of us have) or know someone who has, you know that Girl Scouts are about so much more.
So, as we celebrate the Girls Scouts being around for over 100 years, we should celebrate the years of fun and friendships, and for helping girls learn important qualities such as responsibility, courage, strength, and independence. Qualities that are as important in 2021 as they were in 1912.
And what better way to celebrate than to buy some Girl Scout cookies? Guilt-free as you're helping a good cause.
Today’s turbulent times for Jews may overshadow the celebration of the Jewish New Year, one of the holiest of the Jewish holidays. Yet, ironically, we feel it should strengthen its significance, as the holiday is a time for reflection on the past and hope for the future.
If you think today’s politics are ugly … let’s talk about a man who named himself “dictator for life” of the Roman empire, and is then assassinated by a group of senators, including his best friend. (However, there’s a “pretty” part – Cleopatra was his mistress.) Food trivia and leadership lessons aside, the fact July is named after him is the perfect excuse to rerun one of Red’s favorite Banter Bites …
Quick! If someone says "Julius Caesar," what comes to mind?
BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: Almost everyone has heard of Julius Caesar, but how many of us really know much about him, or at least that's what Red starts to wonder when she receives the usual flippant, but still accurate, reply from her sister, after feeling very proud that she knew that July was named after the famous Roman.
Which is what got Red to realize, much to her surprise (shock, if truth be told), that even as a straight-A student with a love of history, that when it came to Julius Caesar, a famous historical figure and possibly one of the greatest generals and statesmen of all time, she couldn't tell you dates or battles or anything "historical" associated with him.
Even as a theater major in college, she never read Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar," although she knew just enough about the play to know that it was where the fortune teller warned Caesar to "Beware the Ides of March." Instead, her knowledge of Caesar came from her love of movies.
My first, and probably my most enduring, memory is of a brilliant general who not only commanded armies as he conquered lands far from home but was a great statesman who was also involved with one of the world's most beautiful women. And while he was Julius Caesar and the woman was Cleopatra, to me, they'll always be Rex Harrison and Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra, a movie almost as controversial as the general himself.
And Black? Besides knowing that Caesar Salad was invented by a different Caesar, she appreciates Julius Caesar's leadership skills and way with words,
There is much we can learn about leadership from Julius Caesar, whether on the battlefield, in politics, or in business (start small, take risks, communicate well), including what ultimately led to his death (always consider worst-case scenarios, never get complacent or arrogant). Many of his quotes speak (pun intended) to his powerful way with words, and the ability to not only deliver a message but to inspire (and story tell), with my favorite being, "I came, I saw, I conquered."