Words & Banter

Birds Aren’t Real? This Is Unreal!

Photo by ideeone on iStock


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I'm still shaking my head, in amazement and amusement, at you telling me how there are people claiming that birds aren't real – they're surveillance drones.


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At first, I thought it was a joke. But then, I found a Newsweek article on the "Birds Aren't Real" movement that claims the government killed all birds and replaced them with surveillance drones.


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Well, if you hadn't forwarded it, I'd have thought you were messing with me! Anyway, my absolute favorite part is the "logic" that when the birds or drones or whatever you want to call them sit on powerlines, they're recharging. That's hilarious.


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And, in its own way, clever as it does sound plausible. After all, it is a much easier concept to understand than the explanation of why birds can sit on high-voltage wires and not get electrocuted.


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I've always wondered about that, but not enough that I want you to explain it. However, can you explain how anyone could believe that all birds are government-operated drones? It sounds more like an SNL skit. Please tell me people know this is just a joke or parody of conspiracy theories.


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Do they? Conspiracy theories have always existed, and thanks to the internet and social media, they are now running rampant. Some are bizarre, some are silly, and some are dangerous and toxic.


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Which I find scary. Especially since the only people who can dispute the conspiracies are experts, but if you think they're in on the conspiracy, then that just further feeds it.


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I disagree. All it takes is people to stop and think versus joining the flock and just following along. But, that is how these conspiracies gain traction.


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Joining the flock? Cute. And just another "hint" that this idea that birds are secretly spying on us is a prank or satire. I don't know how the organizer can maintain a straight face when they say this is real.


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Their FAQ (frequently asked questions) page is most amusing, stating, "Bird Poop is actually a form of liquidated tracking apparatus." But, one of the first things that caught my eye on their website is the focus on merchandise for sale. What a brilliant marketing scheme.


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Well, when I went to the site, what caught my eye was the Richard Nixon "quote" which, even given his involvement with the Watergate coverup, must have been made up, "We needed a way to keep an eye on the American citizens without them knowing. It was imperative, for their own safety of course. We hired only the best. It took years. We designed, built, tested, failed. We persisted. Eventually, over decades, we had it. A fleet of covert technological surveillance devices unlike anything the world had ever seen. We called them, 'Birds.'"


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Very effective. But, if it is an actual quote, it could refer to some surveillance drones they code-named "Birds" versus ALL birds. Especially as the history of drones goes back to the mid-1800s.


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Yes, but you're doing that "critical thinking" thing, and we both know that many people will read that quote and assume it's true. And supports the bird conspiracy theory.


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Then, I would call those people "bird brains," except I do not want to insult the intelligence level of birds.
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When you think of cancer, do you think that’s something only older people need to worry about?

Well, you’d be wrong because it’s alarming how many people under 50 are getting cancer. (Think Catherine, Princess of Wales.) And while the exact causes remain under investigation, what we do know is that early detection through cancer screenings is crucial.

It should be a priority for all of us (men and women) – and not only during Cancer Prevention Month but year-round.



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I know that cancer isn’t the “death sentence” it used to be when we were growing up, but it’s still a very scary word. Especially if it’s heard “close to home”.


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When we were young, the word was rarely said. And if it was, it was whispered or referred to as the “ c-word.”


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Kind of like when I had my two miscarriages. No one wanted even to acknowledge, let alone talk about, them. Which made it all the more difficult to get through it, although intellectually, I knew it was not uncommon.


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Unfortunately, neither is cancer. It is the second-leading cause of death in the world, surpassed only by heart disease. But, at least, it is no longer a taboo subject.


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Please don’t make this about numbers. It’s about people. Which you should know. I’m sure you remember when Daddy was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer , which luckily was treatable. And I’ve had skin cancer, although I was very fortunate, it was caught early and easily treated.
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Black “flipped” Rendering by porcorex on iStock

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I know you don’t celebrate holidays, so I’m not going to ask you if you have any plans for Valentine’s Day, but you do know that February’s American Heart Month, right?


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Of course. Which means the American Heart Association’s “ Go Red” campaign is in full force. And, they are not talking about you. It is because heart disease is the leading cause of death – for both men and women.


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Don’t you find it ironic that Valentine’s Day – a “fun” holiday about letting people you love and care about know that you’re thinking of them … a holiday filled with Hallmark cards, squishy teddy bears, chocolate hearts – falls in the middle of such a “serious” month-long awareness campaign?
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Until two years ago, Red had never heard of “Dry January” (see our conversation below). But whether or not you’ve taken the challenge, it’s never too late to develop healthy habits. And, FYI, there’s also “Damp January.”



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I keep getting emails about where to go for mocktails. I know alcohol-free cocktails, like Virgin Margaritas, have been around for a while, but I’d never heard that term before. Do you think it has to do with New Year’s resolutions?


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It can if any of your resolutions are to lose weight, save money, sleep better. Or, drink less. Psychologically, January is the month when we “reset”, so a UK-based organization, Alcohol Change UK , started Dry January , where you abstain from drinking alcohol.


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Perfect timing since many people shop, eat, and drink more than usual over the holidays.


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I know you used to drink a glass of Cold Duck on New Year’s Eve, a tradition going back to our childhood, but that hardly counts as drinking. But, I have always wondered why you rarely drink, but never asked.
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