Banter Bites

Hug At Your Own Risk

Did you ever notice that if you rearrange the letters in “hug” you get … “ugh”?

BANTER BITE BACKSTORY: We started to ask how can something as simple yet meaningful as a hug not get universal acceptance, but then realized that was a ridiculous question because Red thinks about hugs very differently than Black.

Besides the fact both of us describe Red as a warm and fuzzy mom, emphasis on the words “warm and fuzzy”, Red strongly believes that hugs are an integral part of who she is. To the point that Black, as well as Red’s kids, think Red should wear a warning label that a big ole’ mom hug could be coming your way.

And Red’s proud of it, and although hugging comes to her naturally, she believes you can learn to be a hugger. Her challenge was the opposite because when COVID struck, she had to learn how to not be a hugger. But she did laugh (and roll her eyes) at Black’s dilemma,

Before the pandemic, I tried to avoid hugging (you already know I find it selfish – in that it is usually the person who needs a hug who insists on hugging), so COVID was the perfect excuse not to hug people. Now when I avoid hugs, people think I am either a germophobe or overly cautious, neither of which is true. Good thing I do not care what people think.

Red decided not to point out to her sister that she knows Black will hug someone if she feels they need it, or at least let them hug her; however, the body language can be amusing. But it wasn’t until Red had children that she learned Black wasn’t an anomaly and that not everyone needs or wants a hug. Still, she questions how she could have given birth to two daughters, with neither having “inherited” the hugging gene.

The funny thing is Black’s willing to acknowledge that, for most people, hugs represent affection, concern, love, appreciation, or even just the joy of seeing someone. Of course, she had to add the science behind the importance of hugs, including how they can relieve stress, amongst other health benefits. And even mentioned a specific study she found fascinating.

So, given that science supports hugging, Red couldn’t understand why Black still resisted hugging, and when she worked up the nerve to ask, Black explained,

We all know what we should do but often ignore what is best for us. When it comes to hugging, I will sometimes compromise and do it for the other person, so I guess you could say my approach to hugs is … it is better to give than to receive.

Which made Red wonder if Black is the one who should come with a warning label.

hugs
Words & Banter

Give Some Thought To ... What Gives? Hopefully … You!

Photo by Rabbitti for iStock

Every year on #GivingTuesday, Red tells Black that she knows how important giving is – whether time or money – but, unlike Black, she doesn’t have a meaningful charity that’s been part of her life for decades. We often “repeat” the conversation below, but this year, Black suggested that Red use #GivingTuesday to think about what charity inspires her or holds special meaning, and then get involved. Making it personal often ends up making it a year-round passion rather than a one-off obligation.

But no matter how you approach charity, beware of potential scammers. And, if in doubt — check them out! (Black likes GuideStar and Charity Navigator.)



red headred headassets.rebelmouse.io

I know today’s Giving Tuesday, but what I always find so amazing is how you treat every day as “Giving Tuesday."


Black's HeadBlackassets.rebelmouse.io

What makes you say that? I do not donate to an organization or charity every day.


red headred headassets.rebelmouse.io

You’re always so literal. I meant that the spirit of “giving to others”, whether donating or providing support in some way, seems to be part of your daily life.


Black's HeadBlackassets.rebelmouse.io

I think you are exaggerating.
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Memory Lane

Talking Turkey ... A Naked Turkey?

Photo by klohka on iStock

It’s that time of year again when we’re re-running this “little slice” of family history because some traditions never get old — and always make us laugh. Not to mention, neither of us can ever look at a perfectly browned turkey and not imagine it being naked!

We first ran this in 2020, but as soon as Black wrote it, it became one of Red's favorite posts and a perfect way to wish you a very Happy Turkey Day … one filled with gratitude, laughter, and memories worth retelling.

Today is Thanksgiving, and I cannot help but wonder why we are online. However, everyone has their own way of celebrating. I know that Red is in the kitchen cooking – and watching a marathon of "The Godfather" movies. Which is perfect as turkeys take such a long time to cook and patience is important when you want it perfectly browned. So inviting, so appetizing, so … naked?

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True
Learning For Life

Why Not Make Every Day Thanksgiving?

Design by Sawyer Pennington

People have told us they’re using our sisterly banter to start conversations with others (family, friends, and even in classrooms), so Black created “Conversation Starters”.

The first time we posted this may have been the first time Red thought about the difference between being thankful and having gratitude. And it started a new Thanksgiving tradition (Black prefers to think of it as a “habit”) …



red head red head assets.rebelmouse.io

I’m really looking forward to Thanksgiving this year, especially since last year was the first since Mom passed away, and the dining room table seemed incomplete. Which may partially explain why we ended up sitting around the kitchen table and island instead. And that was wonderful – so relaxed, easy, and fun – but I still couldn’t help but think of her not being with us. It’s funny because, over the years, even as life changed, such as the girls growing up and going off to college, I’ve always taken for granted that Thanksgiving would somehow always remain the same, cooking the same dishes, with all the preparation beginning days in advance.

So, I'm not sure that I truly stopped and appreciated each Thanksgiving Day as I was so focused on everything I needed to get done. This year, though, I plan to take a moment to stop and think about some of the things I'm thankful for, and to start appreciating the day itself. To try to "be present", so to speak, in the present.


Black's Head Black assets.rebelmouse.io

I know that Thanksgiving is about giving thanks, but what you just described is gratitude. Gratitude is "deeper" than thankfulness, and the best way I can describe it is … think about when you might write a thank you note – someone gives you something or does something for you. It is a fleeting event. Now think about if you were to write someone a note or letter of appreciation.

You have repeatedly told me that mere mortals often need reminders, so what if this Thanksgiving you start a "gratitude habit"? Make a daily appointment with yourself to find a few quiet moments and write down at least one thing for which you are grateful. It can be as simple as sunlight on your face or the crunch of an apple. You are probably rolling your eyes right now, but it will only take a few minutes and can change your life. Or, at least, how you look at it.

THE CONVERSATION STARTERS

  • If you look back, what or who would you appreciate (or appreciate more) that you didn’t at the time?
  • If you begin to appreciate the value of appreciation (pun intended), what might you want to be mindful of going forward?
  • Do you think a "gratitude habit" might be useful? Would you be willing to "test-drive" (Black's words) one for a month and see if your opinion changes? Explain your answers.
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