| So, I had to smile when Sawyer came to visit us at Mom’s estate sale. And even though I had seen her only a few hours before, I gave her a hug. |
| Yes, you make it rather obvious that you are warm and fuzzy. And, a hugger. |
| But what made me laugh was when she greeted you by acknowledging that you weren’t a hugger. Now there’s an understatement. |
| No, it is merely a fact. |
| I never realized, though, just how much both Natasha and Sawyer are like you. Although they begrudgingly let me hug them, they’d both be just as happy with a handshake. If that. |
| Maybe a fist bump? |
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Black
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| The good news is that I don’t take it personally, although I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wish they were huggers. Regardless, it reminds me of how we used to greet people at business meetings in the “good ole days” when we actually had in-person meetings. If it was people we’d worked with before, I’d be giving everyone hello hugs while you’d be standing there, with your body language “screaming” … “Can we just get straight to business?” |
| Body language can be so efficient. But, it is a business meeting. |
| But you’re the same way even at family dinners and social events. And on the rare occasion that you do give someone a hug, I always think the recipient should remember it because it’s a really big deal. And sometimes, I even point that out. |
| Which usually makes me roll my eyes. |
| Hey, I’m just trying to warn them not to get used to it, or even expect it again, so they appreciate it. |
| My eye-rolling is not about you; it is about the person wanting to hug me. Especially when they know me, because they must know that hugging is not something I would ever initiate. |
| To be honest, I don’t think people think about it. It’s just a warm and welcoming gesture. |
| You are right about the thinking part. After all, if someone knows I do not like to hug, but still wants to hug me, that seems rather selfish. |
| I think that’s a bit of an overstatement. If you said to them, “Please do not hug me,” and they chose to ignore you, that might be considered selfish. Not to mention, risky. |
| Sounds like a personal problem. If they are that insistent on hugging me, then it seems to me that they need the hug. |
| Well, if you ask me, the whole topic of hugging has gotten way too complicated. Especially since the pandemic. But I can still remember watching one of Sawyer’s volleyball coaches starting to give her a hug and then stopping. |
| Did he suddenly remember that she is not much of a hugger? |
| No, it was because it was the beginning of the #MeToo era, and he was being mindful (my word, not his) that his players were teenage girls. And although he knew Sawyer, and me, very well, I guess he thought it was better to err on the safe side. |
| The world has changed. But, it does make things more complicated for huggers. |
| Sawyer may not be a hugger, but she does make concessions to hugging much easier than you or Natasha, who obviously hate it and would probably outlaw it if possible. |
| Now you are the one making the overstatement. I do not hate the concept of hugs. And, there is science behind the importance of hugs, including how they can relieve stress. |
| I was just waiting for your non-emotional perspective on hugs. |
| And, I respect what they should represent – affection, concern, love, appreciation, or just the joy of seeing someone. For some people, it is easier than words. |
| That’s an interesting perspective. And makes me think about how you sometimes will end an email by writing, “With an electronic hug.” It surprised me the first time I saw it, although I immediately liked it. So much so that I now often use it myself. |
| I know. I should charge you a royalty fee. |
| Cute. But how did you come up with that phrase anyway? |
| I know that emails can be very impersonal, and as much as I love bullet points and keeping things very factual, sometimes the recipient needs something more. An “electronic hug” seemed to be a good compromise. |
| Well, I love it. As ironic as it is coming from someone who hates to give an actual, in-person, up close and personal, hug. |
| Actually, I sometimes do give hugs to people I think genuinely need it. I just hate getting them. |
| You didn’t seem to mind the night before Sawyer left for college, and she got out of the car when we were dropping you off to give you a goodbye hug. |
| I think I was in shock. |
| Well, I know I was … |
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Want to read other columns? Here's a list.
What does Thanksgiving have to do with shoes?! Or, the fact some of Red’s most memorable Thanksgiving celebrations happened when she lived overseas and introduced the holiday to friends, none of whom were American. But this column from 2022 is bittersweet for Black, as shortly after it ran, her good friend John passed away … yet the memories of Thanksgivings spent together – and of dear friends – live on. (But that still doesn’t explain the shoes …)
| At the risk of asking you a warm and fuzzy question, have you thought about what you’re most thankful for this Thanksgiving? |
| Yes. |
| I should’ve guessed that you’d take the question literally. Could you expand on that a little, or at least give me a hint? |
| Friends. |
| I should’ve guessed that too since John’s been in the hospital for the past several weeks and is one of your oldest friends. |
| Not sure “oldest” is the kindest way to define it, but he and his wife have been my closest friends for over 35 years. To the point that John calls me his “second wife,” although he’s only been legally married once. |
| That’s funny, but on my recent fall foliage trip, I realized it was so much more than chasing leaves as I experienced the joy and appreciation of visiting a dear friend and her family. And while phone calls, texting, and even FaceTime are great, it’s just not the same as spending time together. |
| I was going to mention that when you first told me you were going to see Sawyer in Nashville and also spend some time at Amy’s in east Tennessee, but figured you already knew that friendships can easily be taken for granted … until something makes you fully appreciate them. |
| That’s so true. Although I prefer to have a small group of friends, and most of mine I’ve known for decades – either from elementary school, college, or my years living in Hong Kong. Unfortunately, though, none of them now live near me. |
| Friends do not require living in the same town, although that is usually how friendships begin. And, while we may not stay in touch as frequently as we want, over time, we see who our true friends are … they are the ones who are always there for us, during good times and bad. And, in my case, are brave enough to point out when they do not agree with me. |
| Very brave. My friends have it easier, but I count on them to give me an honest perspective no matter what, although I prefer when they agree with me. |
| Of course, you do. And, your friends should be thankful you are so easygoing. |
| Well, at the risk of sounding corny, with Thanksgiving just days away, it’s the perfect time to be truly thankful for our dear friends. |
| It reminds me of the photo that Natasha sent us last year when she was celebrating “ Friendsgiving” with her friends in England. |
| Besides not realizing it was an actual thing and not Natasha combining the words “friends” and “Thanksgiving,” I was expecting photos of her attempt at making sweet potatoes or other traditional Thanksgiving foods , or maybe a bunch of Brits sitting around the table with the lone American. Not a photo of everyone’s shoes in the entry hallway. |
| I never thought of Thanksgiving as being “all about the shoes”, but that image sums up the true meaning of the holiday. |
| Tell the truth; everything’s always all about the shoes for you. But, given this Thanksgiving will be the first without Mom, the image’s a wonderful reminder of the importance of friends who’ve been there for me this year. And I include you as both family and friend. |
| Once is enough for me. And, as the saying goes, you cannot choose your family but (like shoes) you can choose your friends. So, pick carefully, and then appreciate them. |
Take a moment and imagine not being able to read this sentence. Now, think about this … if you’re reading this, you’re doing something millions of Americans can’t.
|
I’ll admit that I never realized how many people can’t read.
It’s something I’ve always taken for
granted. That’s until Black and I met
someone doing something about it – Jackie Aguilera, now the Project Manager for
the Mayor’s Office of Adult
Literacy (Houston). Her focus
wasn’t only on reading literacy but on “literacies” I’d never heard of, such as
financial literacy, health literacy, and digital literacy. But it all starts
with the ability to read. |
|
It
is called functional
literacy. Obviously, if you
are reading this article, you are on the internet. Which has more information than anyone can
possibly absorb (and is why news literacy is so critical). Now,
imagine if you could not read. All that
information … just sitting there.
Available to others, but not to you. |
|
Books are my great escape. Always have been. So, I can’t
imagine a life without them. |
|
A great escape … in many ways. You may use it to escape from the stresses of
daily life or just as entertainment. But,
books and, more specifically, the ability to read is how people can escape a
life of poverty and limited opportunities.
|
| Working with Jackie made me see that. As did our work with the criminal justice system, as so many incarcerated people struggle to read. And I know you’re a data geek, but please don’t start quoting me statistics. |
| OK, no statistics, but did you know that more people in the US are affected by low literacy (meaning they cannot read at a sixth-grade level) than are diagnosed with cancer or heart disease? |
Over the years, as we’ve learned how many people can’t read (including one in three Houstonians), it’s made us stop and think about how that impacts every aspect of their lives … their families … their communities. And also … our communities and our country.
As former First Lady Barbara Bush said many years ago,
If you help a person to read, then their opportunities in life will be endless.