RED & BLACK … Is It Hug Or Ugh?

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	So, I had to smile when Sawyer came to visit us at Mom’s estate sale. And even though I had seen her only a few hours before, I gave her a hug.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Yes, you make it rather obvious that you are warm and fuzzy. And, a hugger.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	But what made me laugh was when she greeted you by acknowledging that you weren’t a hugger. Now there’s an understatement.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	No, it is merely a fact.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I never realized, though, just how much both Natasha and Sawyer are like you. Although they begrudgingly let me hug them, they’d both be just as happy with a handshake. If that.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Maybe a fist bump?

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	The good news is that I don’t take it personally, although I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wish they were huggers. Regardless, it reminds me of how we used to greet people at business meetings in the “good ole days” when we actually had in-person meetings. If it was people we’d worked with before, I’d be giving everyone hello hugs while you’d be standing there, with your body language “screaming” … “Can we just get straight to business?”
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Body language can be so efficient. But, it is a business meeting.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	But you’re the same way even at family dinners and social events. And on the rare occasion that you do give someone a hug, I always think the recipient should remember it because it’s a really big deal. And sometimes, I even point that out.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Which usually makes me roll my eyes.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Hey, I’m just trying to warn them not to get used to it, or even expect it again, so they appreciate it.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	My eye-rolling is not about you; it is about the person wanting to hug me. Especially when they know me, because they must know that hugging is not something I would ever initiate.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	To be honest, I don’t think people think about it. It’s just a warm and welcoming gesture.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	You are right about the thinking part. After all, if someone knows I do not like to hug, but still wants to hug me, that seems rather selfish.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I think that’s a bit of an overstatement. If you said to them, “Please do not hug me,” and they chose to ignore you, that might be considered selfish. Not to mention, risky.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Sounds like a personal problem. If they are that insistent on hugging me, then it seems to me that they need the hug.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, if you ask me, the whole topic of hugging has gotten way too complicated. Especially since the pandemic. But I can still remember watching one of Sawyer’s volleyball coaches starting to give her a hug and then stopping.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Did he suddenly remember that she is not much of a hugger?
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	No, it was because it was the beginning of the #MeToo era, and he was being mindful (my word, not his) that his players were teenage girls. And although he knew Sawyer, and me, very well, I guess he thought it was better to err on the safe side.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	The world has changed. But, it does make things more complicated for huggers.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Sawyer may not be a hugger, but she does make concessions to hugging much easier than you or Natasha, who obviously hate it and would probably outlaw it if possible.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Now you are the one making the overstatement. I do not hate the concept of hugs. And, there is science behind the importance of hugs, including how they can relieve stress.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I was just waiting for your non-emotional perspective on hugs.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	And, I respect what they should represent – affection, concern, love, appreciation, or just the joy of seeing someone. For some people, it is easier than words.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	That’s an interesting perspective. And makes me think about how you sometimes will end an email by writing, “With an electronic hug.” It surprised me the first time I saw it, although I immediately liked it. So much so that I now often use it myself.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I know. I should charge you a royalty fee.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Cute. But how did you come up with that phrase anyway?
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I know that emails can be very impersonal, and as much as I love bullet points and keeping things very factual, sometimes the recipient needs something more. An “electronic hug” seemed to be a good compromise.
Red assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, I love it. As ironic as it is coming from someone who hates to give an actual, in-person, up close and personal, hug.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Actually, I sometimes do give hugs to people I think genuinely need it. I just hate getting them.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	You didn’t seem to mind the night before Sawyer left for college, and she got out of the car when we were dropping you off to give you a goodbye hug.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I think I was in shock.
Red assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, I know I was …

Want to read other columns? Here's a list.

monthly column

Words & Banter

Quick ... Can You Name 5 January Holidays?

You may think the holiday season’s over, but January’s filled with an assortment of holidays, including some very unusual ones. Luckily, unlike the December holidays, these are much less stressful and can be lots of fun. Especially for us, as they celebrate some of our favorite things. (Of the five holidays listed below, can you guess which are Red’s favorites and which are Black’s?)

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	It’s January, and everyone’s probably tired of reading about New Year’s resolutions.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Not me. Since I never make them, I never feel the need to read about them.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Of course, you don’t. So, what should we write about?
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	How about that we celebrate some of our favorite things in January?

So many “National Days” in January are fun (we’ve written about them over the years) and remind us of some of our favorite things. (Can you pick which are Red’s favorite holidays and which are Black’s?) And whether or not you make resolutions, it’s always important to have a sense of humor and enjoy the simpler things in life …

NATIONAL CLEAN YOUR DESK DAY: Resolutions Aside … A Clean Desk? Is That Even Possible???
NATIONAL BAGEL DAY: Not A Trick Question ... Who Doesn’t Love Bagels?
NATIONAL POPCORN DAY: Do People Really “Celebrate” Popcorn? Red Does!
NATIONAL HUGGING DAY: Think Before … Hugging?!
NATIONAL BACKWARD DAY: Celebrating Having Fun … And Success … By Being Backward?

Answer: Red’s favorites are Bagels, Popcorn, and Hugging. Black’s are Clean Desk, Bagels, and Backward.

holidays

Words & Banter

Did You Know ... Even Thanksgiving Is … All About The Shoes?

Photo courtesy of Red’s eldest daughter, Natasha

What does Thanksgiving have to do with shoes?! Or, the fact some of Red’s most memorable Thanksgiving celebrations happened when she lived overseas and introduced the holiday to friends, none of whom were American. But this column from 2022 is bittersweet for Black, as shortly after it ran, her good friend John passed away … yet the memories of Thanksgivings spent together – and of dear friends – live on. (But that still doesn’t explain the shoes …)

red head assets.rebelmouse.io

At the risk of asking you a warm and fuzzy question, have you thought about what you’re most thankful for this Thanksgiving?

Black's Head Black assets.rebelmouse.io

Yes.

red head assets.rebelmouse.io

I should’ve guessed that you’d take the question literally. Could you expand on that a little, or at least give me a hint?

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friendship

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Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Friends.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I should’ve guessed that too since John’s been in the hospital for the past several weeks and is one of your oldest friends.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Not sure “oldest” is the kindest way to define it, but he and his wife have been my closest friends for over 35 years. To the point that John calls me his “second wife,” although he’s only been legally married once.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	That’s funny, but on my recent fall foliage trip, I realized it was so much more than chasing leaves as I experienced the joy and appreciation of visiting a dear friend and her family. And while phone calls, texting, and even FaceTime are great, it’s just not the same as spending time together.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I was going to mention that when you first told me you were going to see Sawyer in Nashville and also spend some time at Amy’s in east Tennessee, but figured you already knew that friendships can easily be taken for granted … until something makes you fully appreciate them.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	That’s so true. Although I prefer to have a small group of friends, and most of mine I’ve known for decades – either from elementary school, college, or my years living in Hong Kong. Unfortunately, though, none of them now live near me.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Friends do not require living in the same town, although that is usually how friendships begin. And, while we may not stay in touch as frequently as we want, over time, we see who our true friends are … they are the ones who are always there for us, during good times and bad. And, in my case, are brave enough to point out when they do not agree with me.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Very brave. My friends have it easier, but I count on them to give me an honest perspective no matter what, although I prefer when they agree with me.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Of course, you do. And, your friends should be thankful you are so easygoing.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, at the risk of sounding corny, with Thanksgiving just days away, it’s the perfect time to be truly thankful for our dear friends.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	It reminds me of the photo that Natasha sent us last year when she was celebrating “ Friendsgiving” with her friends in England.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Besides not realizing it was an actual thing and not Natasha combining the words “friends” and “Thanksgiving,” I was expecting photos of her attempt at making sweet potatoes or other traditional Thanksgiving foods , or maybe a bunch of Brits sitting around the table with the lone American. Not a photo of everyone’s shoes in the entry hallway.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I never thought of Thanksgiving as being “all about the shoes”, but that image sums up the true meaning of the holiday.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Tell the truth; everything’s always all about the shoes for you. But, given this Thanksgiving will be the first without Mom, the image’s a wonderful reminder of the importance of friends who’ve been there for me this year. And I include you as both family and friend.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Once is enough for me. And, as the saying goes, you cannot choose your family but (like shoes) you can choose your friends. So, pick carefully, and then appreciate them.