Words & Banter

Life Happens … As Does Loss

December’s so festive and full of magic, but it’s also about appreciating family and friends and those lives we’ve been lucky enough to be a part of and, hopefully, touched in a positive way. Which is something we often pay lip service to, because as much as we truly believe it, life has a way of going by in a blur, and before you know it, another year comes to an end.

This seemingly obvious observation became more than just words a few short, or so it seems, weeks ago when Black and I lost our mom. She had lived a full 94 years, but when the time came, it came quicker than expected, which was a blessing for her but difficult for those she left behind. And while Black and I each had a very different relationship with our mom, it has been a challenging time in many ways.

Luckily, the business side of Red & Black could be put “on hold” and Black posted (on our behalf),


Personal issues are taking priority. Our tagline is "real sisters. real life." And ... life happens.

I’m trying to give myself the gift of just taking it one day at a time, with no expectations of how I’ll feel or what may trigger my emotions. Black, ever the pragmatic, has been beyond wonderful in letting me navigate things at my own pace. At the same time, I know that she’s there for anything I might need or want, both literally and emotionally. (Which, given she’s a Vulcan, is pretty amazing.)

And while there’s a part of me that often finds it hard to focus as my mind naturally wanders to thoughts of our mom, I realize that it’s important to try to get back into my “routine” because, as Black reminded me,

There is a time when our personal lives should – and do – take priority, but we still have to keep going. And, it seems appropriate that a new chapter of our lives begins with the new year.
Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Ye Jinghan on Unsplash

We’ve all wanted a “second chance” at some point in our lives. A “do-over” for a mistake we made, a bad decision, or something that didn’t work out well. An opportunity to show (to ourselves and to others) that we learned our lesson.

Now imagine that second chance being life-changing. For many people who’ve found themselves on the wrong side of the law, a second chance might be all they need to turn their lives around. Which is why April was designated Second Chance Month and why we’re rerunning what changed Red’s perspective on second chances …



red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

It is not intentional, sometimes “ passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.”


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing .


Black assets.rebelmouse.io

Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”.
Keep Reading ...Show less
Image by filipefrazao on iStock

When you think of cancer, do you think that’s something only older people need to worry about?

Well, you’d be wrong because it’s alarming how many people under 50 are getting cancer. (Think Catherine, Princess of Wales.) And while the exact causes remain under investigation, what we do know is that early detection through cancer screenings is crucial.

It should be a priority for all of us (men and women) – and not only during Cancer Prevention Month but year-round.



red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

I know that cancer isn’t the “death sentence” it used to be when we were growing up, but it’s still a very scary word. Especially if it’s heard “close to home”.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

When we were young, the word was rarely said. And if it was, it was whispered or referred to as the “ c-word.”


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

Kind of like when I had my two miscarriages. No one wanted even to acknowledge, let alone talk about, them. Which made it all the more difficult to get through it, although intellectually, I knew it was not uncommon.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

Unfortunately, neither is cancer. It is the second-leading cause of death in the world, surpassed only by heart disease. But, at least, it is no longer a taboo subject.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

Please don’t make this about numbers. It’s about people. Which you should know. I’m sure you remember when Daddy was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer , which luckily was treatable. And I’ve had skin cancer, although I was very fortunate, it was caught early and easily treated.
Keep Reading ...Show less
Black “flipped” Rendering by porcorex on iStock

red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

I know you don’t celebrate holidays, so I’m not going to ask you if you have any plans for Valentine’s Day, but you do know that February’s American Heart Month, right?


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

Of course. Which means the American Heart Association’s “ Go Red” campaign is in full force. And, they are not talking about you. It is because heart disease is the leading cause of death – for both men and women.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

Don’t you find it ironic that Valentine’s Day – a “fun” holiday about letting people you love and care about know that you’re thinking of them … a holiday filled with Hallmark cards, squishy teddy bears, chocolate hearts – falls in the middle of such a “serious” month-long awareness campaign?
Keep Reading ...Show less