Words & Banter

Listen To This Stutter!


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

You know how I like to blah-blah-blah, barely letting anyone get a word in edgewise?


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

Is this a rhetorical question? Or, a trick question?


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

Neither, I leave those to you. And, you know how things happen to us that seem accidental but probably aren’t coincidences?


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

Is there a point to these questions? If so, can you please get to it?


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

As you often tell me, “Patience, grasshopper.” Although I know that’s not your strong suit. Especially not in conversations. Anyway, the other day you sent me a video about stutterers. Well, that same day, I happened to speak to someone who stuttered, and it was just what I needed.


Black assets.rebelmouse.io

The video? Or, the conversation?

red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io


The conversation. It happened before you sent the video. As you know, we weren’t sure the buyers of Mom’s house wanted the 22-foot shuffleboard table in the second-floor game room. And since it’s a solid piece of, well, whatever the board’s made of, it’d have to be broken down to get it out of the house since the original homeowners probably brought it in through the windows while the house was still being built.

Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io


I know the story. But, I am running out of patience with your blah-blah-blah. Can you get to the point?

red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io


I’ll try, but sometimes the details are important. Anyway, I was pretty stressed about finding someone who could remove the shuffleboard, especially since we only had a few days to pull this off. So, I was excited when I found LoadUp, a company that professionally disposes of your old items, but imagine how I felt when the person who answered the phone stuttered. I was not in a patient mood.

Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io


Oh, I can only imagine. Normally, you would have been patient and understanding, but getting Mom’s house emptied has been overwhelming and emotional for you.

red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io


There’s an understatement, but something remarkable happened during that call. I went from being incredibly stressed out to being calm and in a good mood. Because as soon as I heard his stutter, I forced myself to “slow down” and just listen.

Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io


I will not get into the power of active listening, but by focusing on what he was saying, that was an escape, albeit very brief, from everything going on in your mind.

red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io


Besides him being highly professional and knowledgeable, he was extremely nice and understood my “disposal” dilemma. I only wish he could’ve seen me as I went from being a woman bouncing off the walls to someone in a much better mood, all because, ironically, of his stutter!

Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io


I am certain he could hear it in the tone of your voice. Regardless, as the video points out, the problem is not with the person who stutters; it is with the listener.

red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io


Which makes sense. And even though you commented the video was a great piece and worth the time to watch, I only did so a few days ago. And I agree. But you also mentioned I should remind you to tell me about the Make-A-Wish interviewer who stuttered.

Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io


It was exactly one week before your conversation with the man who stuttered. I arrived for the building dedication interview and was introduced to the two-man film crew – an interviewer and a camera operator. I noticed that one man stuttered, so I assumed he was the camera operator. Imagine my surprise when I found out I had guessed wrong.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

I’m sure you were great. You don’t tolerate fools well, but you’re very empathic with people who have genuine issues.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

Perhaps. But, I also have been known to finish people’s sentences or interrupt them when it is obvious where they are going, and I want the conversation to move along quicker.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

I think we’ve already established you’re impatient.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

Point made. But, just as you learned allowing yourself to genuinely listen not only allowed you to connect better with him but also to stop and catch your breath, I realized that allowing the interviewer to ask his questions at his pace allowed me to think about what he was saying and carefully prepare my answer. That it was not a race to the finish.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

So, does that mean you will start being more patient with me? And become a better listener?


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

Doubtful; however, I wonder if people who stutter do a better job of getting to the point and actually are more succinct speakers.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

You would …
Check out this list of famous and gifted people that didn’t let stuttering get in their way!
Photo by mevans on iStock
Since we first ran the conversation below, autism awareness has become more commonplace, but there’s a big difference between that and acceptance. (Which is why April is now Autism ACCEPTANCE Month.) Not to mention assumptions. Labels aside, don’t we all have something of value to contribute? Think about your different abilities (Black calls them “diff-abilities”), and you may find a new way to look at others, especially those with autism -- with respect, empathy, and a desire to better understand their situations, strengths, and challenges.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io


Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io


Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io


Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io


I think you mean DIFF-abilities.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io


Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io


Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings?
Keep Reading ...Show less
Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Ye Jinghan on Unsplash

We’ve all wanted a “second chance” at some point in our lives. A “do-over” for a mistake we made, a bad decision, or something that didn’t work out well. An opportunity to show (to ourselves and to others) that we learned our lesson.

Now imagine that second chance being life-changing. For many people who’ve found themselves on the wrong side of the law, a second chance might be all they need to turn their lives around. Which is why April was designated Second Chance Month and why we’re rerunning what changed Red’s perspective on second chances …



red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

It is not intentional, sometimes “ passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.”


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing .


Black assets.rebelmouse.io

Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”.
Keep Reading ...Show less
Image by filipefrazao on iStock

When you think of cancer, do you think that’s something only older people need to worry about?

Well, you’d be wrong because it’s alarming how many people under 50 are getting cancer. (Think Catherine, Princess of Wales.) And while the exact causes remain under investigation, what we do know is that early detection through cancer screenings is crucial.

It should be a priority for all of us (men and women) – and not only during Cancer Prevention Month but year-round.



red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

I know that cancer isn’t the “death sentence” it used to be when we were growing up, but it’s still a very scary word. Especially if it’s heard “close to home”.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

When we were young, the word was rarely said. And if it was, it was whispered or referred to as the “ c-word.”


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

Kind of like when I had my two miscarriages. No one wanted even to acknowledge, let alone talk about, them. Which made it all the more difficult to get through it, although intellectually, I knew it was not uncommon.


Black's HeadBlack assets.rebelmouse.io

Unfortunately, neither is cancer. It is the second-leading cause of death in the world, surpassed only by heart disease. But, at least, it is no longer a taboo subject.


red headred head assets.rebelmouse.io

Please don’t make this about numbers. It’s about people. Which you should know. I’m sure you remember when Daddy was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer , which luckily was treatable. And I’ve had skin cancer, although I was very fortunate, it was caught early and easily treated.
Keep Reading ...Show less