Words & Banter

Let’s All Agree That It’s Not “Mind Over Matter” … It’s Minds Matter!

Last year we talked about Naomi Judd (see below), and it’s good that mental health’s being discussed more, but too many people still don’t want to talk about their situations, either because they feel ashamed and/or they don’t know where to start or who to contact. (Remember, there’s a 988 lifeline.)

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and this year’s theme is “Look Around, Look Within” because it’s so important to be aware that many factors affect our mental health. And even more important is that no one should ever have to suffer alone …



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I’ve only recently started listening to country music, mainly because that’s what Sawyer’s always listening to, but I already knew of the mother-daughter duo, The Judds .


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Hard not to, as it was the most successful female duo.


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What’s hard to believe is that the day before her and Wynonna’s induction into the Country Music Hall of Fame , Naomi committed suicide. As a mother, your instinct is to put your children first, so that shows the overwhelming depth of the depression she was battling.


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I am sure people questioned how someone who appeared to have everything, and was about to be awarded one of her industry’s highest honors, could feel so bad about herself or her life to want to end it.

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I suspect many people think that fame and money would solve most of life’s problems. Obviously, they don’t realize mental health is a battle she had been fighting for a long time. Not only did she publicly talk about it, but she wrote a book about her depression and championed mental health for years.

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I know that, but some people still think you need to “toughen up” and “gut through it”, although they would not say that to someone who broke their arm. Or, had heart disease or cancer. Given the statistics (1 in 5 people will experience mental health illness in any given year), I bet we all know people who are struggling with it. Although they might not admit it or seek help.

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Hopefully, as more and more celebrities use their fame and public platforms to shed light on mental health issues (and other subjects that are either uncomfortable or considered taboo), it will make “mere mortals” realize they’re not alone. And, in turn, more comfortable admitting their own struggles and, more importantly, to seek help.

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Think about how many people felt alone and isolated, not to mention stressed out, during the pandemic. And, even though almost everyone was going through the same thing, they would talk about physical symptoms and their opinions about vaccines and masks, but not any related mental health issues they might be battling.

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It’s funny, there was so much emphasis placed on reaching out and checking on people – whether by phone or Zoom or whatever method made the most sense. But now that I think about it, it was more about being socially engaged and not totally isolated vs. seeing if people were truly ok.

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No one should ever have to suffer alone. How difficult is it for us to be less judgmental and more accepting? Ok, that is a rhetorical question. But, the bottom line is we should let family and friends know it is ok to not always be ok.

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I’m not brave enough to speak for you, but most of us have days when we’re not functioning well, or not feeling like ourselves, and maybe even hurting. So, we should all be more understanding of each other. But how do we know if it’s serious enough to seek help? And what if you don’t even know where to turn for help?

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That is why Mental Health Awareness Month is so important. And, this year’s theme is “Back To Basics ,” so there is a lot of basic information and additional resources available. Not to mention, places to turn for help.

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Well, I know how much you love getting back to basics.

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Because getting “ back to basics ” reminds us of what really matters.
Photo by mevans on iStock
Since we first ran the conversation below, autism awareness has become more commonplace, but there’s a big difference between that and acceptance. (Which is why April is now Autism ACCEPTANCE Month.) Not to mention assumptions. Labels aside, don’t we all have something of value to contribute? Think about your different abilities (Black calls them “diff-abilities”), and you may find a new way to look at others, especially those with autism -- with respect, empathy, and a desire to better understand their situations, strengths, and challenges.


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Did you know that April's Autism Awareness Month? I wasn't aware (pun intended) of it until I read our local homeowner's monthly newsletter and it caught my eye.


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Actually, last month the founding organization, the Autism Society, changed "Awareness "to "Acceptance" to foster inclusivity, as knowing about something is very different from accepting it. But I am guessing that is not the point of this call.


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Although it isn't autism, it reminded me of years ago when we found out that Natasha has learning disabilities.


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I think you mean DIFF-abilities.


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Of course, that's another thing I remember. I was focused on the negative aspects of her diagnosis until you asked me, point-blank, "Why are they called disabilities?" And proceeded to explain that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.


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Exactly! Imagine the world if everyone excelled at math, but flunked English. Or, a world of lawyers, but no musicians. Some people are better at social skills, while others excel at handling technical data. Why not just say that people who have different skillsets and abilities have DIFF-abilities versus making them feel like they have shortcomings?
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Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Ye Jinghan on Unsplash

We’ve all wanted a “second chance” at some point in our lives. A “do-over” for a mistake we made, a bad decision, or something that didn’t work out well. An opportunity to show (to ourselves and to others) that we learned our lesson.

Now imagine that second chance being life-changing. For many people who’ve found themselves on the wrong side of the law, a second chance might be all they need to turn their lives around. Which is why April was designated Second Chance Month and why we’re rerunning what changed Red’s perspective on second chances …



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I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger.


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It is not intentional, sometimes “ passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it.


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Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison.


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I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.”


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When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing .


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Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”.
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Image by filipefrazao on iStock

When you think of cancer, do you think that’s something only older people need to worry about?

Well, you’d be wrong because it’s alarming how many people under 50 are getting cancer. (Think Catherine, Princess of Wales.) And while the exact causes remain under investigation, what we do know is that early detection through cancer screenings is crucial.

It should be a priority for all of us (men and women) – and not only during Cancer Prevention Month but year-round.



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I know that cancer isn’t the “death sentence” it used to be when we were growing up, but it’s still a very scary word. Especially if it’s heard “close to home”.


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When we were young, the word was rarely said. And if it was, it was whispered or referred to as the “ c-word.”


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Kind of like when I had my two miscarriages. No one wanted even to acknowledge, let alone talk about, them. Which made it all the more difficult to get through it, although intellectually, I knew it was not uncommon.


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Unfortunately, neither is cancer. It is the second-leading cause of death in the world, surpassed only by heart disease. But, at least, it is no longer a taboo subject.


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Please don’t make this about numbers. It’s about people. Which you should know. I’m sure you remember when Daddy was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer , which luckily was treatable. And I’ve had skin cancer, although I was very fortunate, it was caught early and easily treated.
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