Words & Banter

RED & BLACK … Not Just New, Better

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash


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Well, it’s our first column of the year. A new beginning. Any “new” ideas for topics? Something other than New Year’s resolutions.


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Is there a reason you do not want to talk about resolutions?


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Obviously, yours was not to ask fewer questions.


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That will never happen, but you are avoiding the question. Why?


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Because every year, I have a long list of things I want to do, and I start strong, but within a few months, I fall back into old habits. Sometimes it only takes weeks. It’s frustrating and disappointing.


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Next question. What is the opposite of “old?"


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I want to say, “New,” but this is clearly one of your trick questions.


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”New” would technically be correct … but, so is “current.” Most people think of resolutions as total overhauls, which has never made sense to me. Instead of major change, which is rarely a realistic goal, why not focus on improving and doing things better?


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Now that’s an interesting thought, especially as Sawyer said to me, mere minutes into the new year, that one of her resolutions was to build on last year’s goals at the gym. So, for me, instead of using that dreaded word “diet,” I could just focus on eating better.


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“Dieting” is focused on weight loss, but eating better is about healthy choices. It may sound like a nuance, but it is a different mindset.


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All I know is phrasing it that way already takes the pressure off. And since I love fruit and salads, it’d be easier to think about using them as substitutes vs. trying to give up the “bad stuff”.


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Exactly. Keep what you are doing that is good and get rid of – or at least reduce – what is not so good.


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I find it interesting that you said “not so good” instead of “bad.” I like that. It puts the focus on the good. Which is a good idea! Pun intended.


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And, that applies to everything … not just eating habits.


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Well, it’s too bad that everyone doesn’t focus on the good. There’s so much negativity everywhere. You turn on the news, and that’s all you hear. You pick up the newspaper, and that’s all you see. And to make matters worse, I often feel like the media’s stirring the pot.


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Good thing you are not on social media. It is even worse there.


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I’d like to think people want good news, but I feel like you have to search for those stories. For example, I get CNN headlines on my phone, and there’s usually one or two “feel good” stories, but they’re typically buried at the bottom.


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Without boring you with studies and statistics, although people say they prefer stories with a “positive” message, they are drawn to “negative” stories. And, since the news media is big business, it gives audiences what they want. Maybe you should change your newsfeed to Axios, as I find its stories are not only factual, but have a human element as they explain “why” the information is important. Regardless, nothing requires you to keep up with all the news.


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Usually it’s just background noise while I’m doing other things. But when Mom passed in mid-December, I stopped watching the news and have barely looked at the headlines on my phone. It started with me feeling like I didn’t need to hear anything negative going on in the world while I was dealing with my grief. And then I decided I didn’t miss all the negative news and preferred to focus on positive things.


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Imagine if everyone took that same approach. Focusing on positive things, not negative. The difference it could make – not only to us individually but to society as a whole.


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Do you think, in today’s world where people are so quick to criticize and find the negative, that’s even possible?


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You tell me. After “divorcing” yourself from the news, have you noticed any change in your behavior toward others?


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Yes, but it also might be because Mom’s passing has made me overly sensitive. However, I’ve found myself having more patience with other people. Places where I sometimes can be impatient – the grocery store, the gas station, etc.


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You get impatient with people? So, you are not always warm and fuzzy?


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Very funny. But if you’ll let me finish ... instead of ignoring people and/or muttering to myself that they were in my way or moving slowly or whatever, I’ve been giving people more “time”. I make a point of trying to smile or making a friendly comment. And almost everyone has responded in a positive way.


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Kindness can be contagious. So, maybe you should add that to your list of New Year’s resolutions. As I already said, resolutions do not have to be major overhauls, they are about improving and doing things better.


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So, what do you plan to do better in the New Year? Work on your sarcasm, perhaps?


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Actually, I have been told I already do that well. But, I guess there is always room for improvement …

Want to read other columns? Here's a list.

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Ye Jinghan on Unsplash

We’ve all wanted a “second chance” at some point in our lives. A “do-over” for a mistake we made, a bad decision, or something that didn’t work out well. An opportunity to show (to ourselves and to others) that we learned our lesson.

Now imagine that second chance being life-changing. For many people who’ve found themselves on the wrong side of the law, a second chance might be all they need to turn their lives around. Which is why April was designated Second Chance Month and why we’re rerunning what changed Red’s perspective on second chances …



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I had no idea that April was “Second Chance Month” until you sent me the official proclamation. I find it interesting that in the midst of juggling our usual million and one Red & Black things, your interest in criminal justice, which I know you consider a “passion project”, is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger.


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It is not intentional, sometimes “ passion projects” find you. And, when you least expect it.


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Or where you least expect it! Only you would take a “field trip” to a men’s prison.


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I will not get on my soapbox about how our education system contributes to the criminal justice problem. I will never forget a friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated telling me, “Rehabilitating people makes the assumption they were habilitated in the first place.”


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When you stop and think about that statement, it’s pretty powerful! But I have to smile as once upon a time you, and I, used words like “offenders” and “prisoners” until we learned how our choice of words could be dehumanizing .


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Says the woman who once believed in the idea of “lock ’em up and throw away the key”.
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When you think of cancer, do you think that’s something only older people need to worry about?

Well, you’d be wrong because it’s alarming how many people under 50 are getting cancer. (Think Catherine, Princess of Wales.) And while the exact causes remain under investigation, what we do know is that early detection through cancer screenings is crucial.

It should be a priority for all of us (men and women) – and not only during Cancer Prevention Month but year-round.



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I know that cancer isn’t the “death sentence” it used to be when we were growing up, but it’s still a very scary word. Especially if it’s heard “close to home”.


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When we were young, the word was rarely said. And if it was, it was whispered or referred to as the “ c-word.”


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Kind of like when I had my two miscarriages. No one wanted even to acknowledge, let alone talk about, them. Which made it all the more difficult to get through it, although intellectually, I knew it was not uncommon.


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Unfortunately, neither is cancer. It is the second-leading cause of death in the world, surpassed only by heart disease. But, at least, it is no longer a taboo subject.


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Please don’t make this about numbers. It’s about people. Which you should know. I’m sure you remember when Daddy was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer , which luckily was treatable. And I’ve had skin cancer, although I was very fortunate, it was caught early and easily treated.
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I know you don’t celebrate holidays, so I’m not going to ask you if you have any plans for Valentine’s Day, but you do know that February’s American Heart Month, right?


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Of course. Which means the American Heart Association’s “ Go Red” campaign is in full force. And, they are not talking about you. It is because heart disease is the leading cause of death – for both men and women.


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Don’t you find it ironic that Valentine’s Day – a “fun” holiday about letting people you love and care about know that you’re thinking of them … a holiday filled with Hallmark cards, squishy teddy bears, chocolate hearts – falls in the middle of such a “serious” month-long awareness campaign?
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