FULL QUESTION: My teenager's a slob and it's driving me crazy – their messy room, leaving dirty dishes all around the house, and the bathroom looking like a disaster area! And now they're home for the summer. Help!
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Moms everywhere know exactly what you're talking about! And although people told me not to worry,
this phase will pass, that didn't make it any better while I was in the midst
of it. (I wish I had understood why teenagers have messy rooms
and what I could have done to manage
it better.)The good news was I was able to set expectations (and help maintain them) for
the common areas of the house, but dealing with their rooms was very different.
Especially with my eldest daughter since
nothing would work – not bribes, not threats, not rationale conversation. I tried all the tips and "tricks" without success, and eventually decided
to stop nagging her because all it did was get me upset while she seemed perfectly
content with the mess. At that point, I realized my primary concern was that I'd ultimately need an exterminator and/or plumber (for those of you that have lived through this, you understand), so I'd periodically go in and selectively clean that which would create problems for the rest of us. The rest I left alone. Hey, if she wanted to wear smelly clothing or have a bathroom that should be declared a national emergency zone, so be it. My younger daughter, in comparison, was so much better. And since she's more social and likes to have friends over, that has been the best thing to keep her room habitable by humans, as she'd never have them come into a pigsty. |
| I do not have children, but there was a time I did have stepdaughters, and not knowing what else to do, I decided to treat them like I would new employees. I knew employees basically wanted to please management, so I figured kids wanted to please their parents. I created a "Rules of the House" document (small, basic, easy things) and presented most of them as things to do versus things not to do, and looked at the rules as an opportunity for them to achieve and succeed, not as a set of restrictions. I always found it more effective with employees, and then the girls (and even their father), to reinforce positive behavior rather than punish bad behavior. It can be as simple as a "thank you," complimenting them on their efforts, or maybe even reward a job well done. It seemed to work, and along the way, improved communications and helped us set priorities. |
FULL QUESTION: It’s hotter than ever …do you have any tips for looking “nice” during the heat of the summer?
Summers are hotter than ever, but it’s always been a challenge to look put together (forget polished) in August. Especially in the Houston area, so here's an “Ask Red & Black” summer rerun … because some things never go out of style …
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I'm laughing because I suspect Black would argue that I
rarely look "nice" in the sense that I rarely "dress up". Even before the pandemic, unless I had a Red
& Black business meeting or speaking engagement, my normal "look" was that
of super comfy – workout or very casual clothing and minimal makeup. Here in Texas, where the heat and humidity are
oppressive, I'm always looking for tips because the moment you step outside,
you're going to start sweating, your
makeup will drip, and your hair will either frizz or wilt (neither's
a good look for me). So, I keep my
skincare simple and summer-friendly – extremely lightweight, tinted facial
moisturizer with a high SPF (so I only need a single product) and waterproof
mascara.
I've never been very creative when managing my long hair for the summer, but my daughter let me in on a secret when she straightened my hair for me. Unlike my rushed approach, she took an extra 10 minutes to do it in smaller sections, which looked great when my hair was down but, amazingly, even made my ponytail look "finished". Taking a little more time to do it right makes a huge difference as now my hair stands up to the heat and humidity. (Good news is she's always willing to do it for me, bad news is that she goes to college in a few months, so I'll have to learn how to do it myself.) |
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When I started racing cars in the mid-1990s, I cut my hair very
short so I could easily style it with some water and hair goo when I removed my
helmet, which makes it perfect for summer. (Plus, I calculated that I could
save over 10 hours/month, or five full days a year, by not dealing with my
hair.)
In terms of clothing, it is a function of where you are going or where you work (obviously, if you are in the banking industry, you will dress very differently than someone who works for a design or marketing firm). For the last few decades, I have worn the same "uniform" – dark slacks or jeans, white shirt, blazer, and colorful Hermès shawl. In the summer, I select pieces that are light-colored, loose-fitting, and breathable fabrics, but if I had to give one tip, it would be to wear layers since going in and out of air-conditioning can be a challenge, although I see it as a fashion opportunity. In fact, that is how my "signature" shawls started as, regardless of the season, I would always have one with me to handle changes in temperature. |
It’s 2024 … you wouldn’t think there’d be so much controversy over Black history, which makes Black History Month even more important. We loved it when the question below was asked of us two years ago, so we’re rerunning it, but found a new article about little-known facts about Black History Month we found very interesting. Let us know what you think …
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I’m a little embarrassed to admit that it was only a few
years ago that I learned about February being
Black History Month, and that it was founded to
shine a light on
accomplishments
that might otherwise go unnoticed and unappreciated. I’ve always loved history and wish that I had
been taught more of this in school as I strongly believe that if we all were
exposed to people from different races, ethnicities, religions (comparative
religions was one of my favorite college classes), it would go a long to
helping us appreciate those differences.
Besides history, I love movies, so I love when the combination teaches us something unexpected. For example, one of my favorite movies, Hidden Figures, tells the stories of three amazing Black women who were mathematicians working at NASA in the 1960s who truly broke boundaries, defied expectations, and gave us a window into their lives. |
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I like to consider myself a lifelong learner and love to
research things that pique my interest or intrigue me, so I was fascinated by
the
history of Black History
Month
, and its evolution from Negro History Week. The initial week was chosen because it included the birthdays of both
Abraham Lincoln
(February 12) and the abolitionist Frederick Douglass (February 14), men who were already celebrated by the Black community, and
who encouraged all Americans to study the little-known history of Blacks.
As an interesting sidenote, Douglass was also a lifelong supporter of women’s rights and died just hours after attending a meeting with suffragists (including his friend Susan B. Anthony). |
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Black
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FULL QUESTION: Do you have any tips for looking “nice” during the heat of the summer? And for going into fall since it’s still hot?
Well, technically, July may be the hottest month (and this year it was record-setting hot), but given August is still “too darn hot” (we love the musical number), and it will probably run into September, we thought we’d rerun this “Ask Red & Black” …
|
I'm laughing because I suspect Black would argue that I
rarely look "nice" in the sense that I rarely "dress up". Even before the pandemic, unless I had a Red
& Black business meeting or speaking engagement, my normal "look" was that
of super comfy – workout or very casual clothing and minimal makeup. Here in Texas, where the heat and humidity are
oppressive, I'm always looking for tips because the moment you step outside,
you're going to start sweating, your
makeup will drip, and your hair will either frizz or wilt (neither's
a good look for me). So, I keep my
skincare simple and summer-friendly – extremely lightweight, tinted facial
moisturizer with a high SPF (so I only need a single product) and waterproof
mascara.
I've never been very creative when managing my long hair for the summer, but my daughter let me in on a secret when she straightened my hair for me. Unlike my rushed approach, she took an extra 10 minutes to do it in smaller sections, which looked great when my hair was down but, amazingly, even made my ponytail look "finished". Taking a little more time to do it right makes a huge difference as now my hair stands up to the heat and humidity. (Good news is she's always willing to do it for me, bad news is that she goes to college in a few months, so I'll have to learn how to do it myself.) |
|
When I started racing cars in the mid-1990s, I cut my hair very
short so I could easily style it with some water and hair goo when I removed my
helmet, which makes it perfect for summer. (Plus, I calculated that I could
save over 10 hours/month, or five full days a year, by not dealing with my
hair.)
In terms of clothing, it is a function of where you are going or where you work (obviously, if you are in the banking industry, you will dress very differently than someone who works for a design or marketing firm). For the last few decades, I have worn the same "uniform" – dark slacks or jeans, white shirt, blazer, and colorful Hermès shawl. In the summer, I select pieces that are light-colored, loose-fitting, and breathable fabrics, but if I had to give one tip, it would be to wear layers since going in and out of air-conditioning can be a challenge, although I see it as a fashion opportunity. In fact, that is how my "signature" shawls started as, regardless of the season, I would always have one with me to handle changes in temperature. |