Selfish, Shallow … And Svelte?

Photo by Black

I keep thinking about Black's explanation in a recent Ask R&B about exercise that her motivation's "selfish and shallow" and due to the fact she's invested a small fortune accumulating size 2 clothing for decades. What she neglected to mention was that she wasn't always a size 2. And there was no apology just, in typical Black fashion, a statement of fact and an acknowledgment of her reality.

So, yes, on the surface, Black's motivation may seem, even to her, selfish and shallow. But the more I think about it, the more I think it reveals a side of Black that's not about her collection of designer clothing or even the financial investment.

First, there's commitment. A promise or decision to do something and stick with it. Yes, we all make commitments, but let's be honest, the ones we make, let alone keep, tend to be for short-term or one-off things. Like calling a friend or making sure we spend less time on our gizmo and more time with our kids or partner. We always start with good intentions, but how often does it truly become a lifelong habit? How often do we "commit" to something that will require a fundamental change in our behavior that will be difficult to make and even harder to maintain?

Which takes me to perseverance. Let's be real. How many of us could truly maintain a rigorous exercise schedule for years, let alone decades? Forget the motivation. That's a lot of years of keeping to something that at times is difficult and sometimes even painful. (Black hurt her back in high school doing gymnastics, has bad knees because of running on concrete for too many years, and I'm sure has the typical aches and pains that come naturally with aging.)

Finally, we have overcoming obstacles. I've already listed several, but this may be the biggest one of all. I know that Black loves pasta! (Occasionally, I've seen her indulge, but usually see her exerting extreme willpower.) In fact, she loves carbs. Full stop. And if that isn't a big enough obstacle to overcome, then I don't know what else to say to you. Except, keeping with the carb theme …

Cake may not be one of her temptations, but the proverbial icing on the cake regarding Black's "selfish and shallow" motivation is that because of her commitment, perseverance, and ability to overcome obstacles, she's also svelte.

soft skills

Words & Banter

Quick ... Can You Name 5 January Holidays?

You may think the holiday season’s over, but January’s filled with an assortment of holidays, including some very unusual ones. Luckily, unlike the December holidays, these are much less stressful and can be lots of fun. Especially for us, as they celebrate some of our favorite things. (Of the five holidays listed below, can you guess which are Red’s favorites and which are Black’s?)

red head assets.rebelmouse.io	It’s January, and everyone’s probably tired of reading about New Year’s resolutions.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Not me. Since I never make them, I never feel the need to read about them.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Of course, you don’t. So, what should we write about?
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	How about that we celebrate some of our favorite things in January?

So many “National Days” in January are fun (we’ve written about them over the years) and remind us of some of our favorite things. (Can you pick which are Red’s favorite holidays and which are Black’s?) And whether or not you make resolutions, it’s always important to have a sense of humor and enjoy the simpler things in life …

NATIONAL CLEAN YOUR DESK DAY: Resolutions Aside … A Clean Desk? Is That Even Possible???
NATIONAL BAGEL DAY: Not A Trick Question ... Who Doesn’t Love Bagels?
NATIONAL POPCORN DAY: Do People Really “Celebrate” Popcorn? Red Does!
NATIONAL HUGGING DAY: Think Before … Hugging?!
NATIONAL BACKWARD DAY: Celebrating Having Fun … And Success … By Being Backward?

Answer: Red’s favorites are Bagels, Popcorn, and Hugging. Black’s are Clean Desk, Bagels, and Backward.

holidays

Words & Banter

Did You Know ... Even Thanksgiving Is … All About The Shoes?

Photo courtesy of Red’s eldest daughter, Natasha

What does Thanksgiving have to do with shoes?! Or, the fact some of Red’s most memorable Thanksgiving celebrations happened when she lived overseas and introduced the holiday to friends, none of whom were American. But this column from 2022 is bittersweet for Black, as shortly after it ran, her good friend John passed away … yet the memories of Thanksgivings spent together – and of dear friends – live on. (But that still doesn’t explain the shoes …)

red head assets.rebelmouse.io

At the risk of asking you a warm and fuzzy question, have you thought about what you’re most thankful for this Thanksgiving?

Black's Head Black assets.rebelmouse.io

Yes.

red head assets.rebelmouse.io

I should’ve guessed that you’d take the question literally. Could you expand on that a little, or at least give me a hint?

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friendship

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Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Friends.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	I should’ve guessed that too since John’s been in the hospital for the past several weeks and is one of your oldest friends.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Not sure “oldest” is the kindest way to define it, but he and his wife have been my closest friends for over 35 years. To the point that John calls me his “second wife,” although he’s only been legally married once.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	That’s funny, but on my recent fall foliage trip, I realized it was so much more than chasing leaves as I experienced the joy and appreciation of visiting a dear friend and her family. And while phone calls, texting, and even FaceTime are great, it’s just not the same as spending time together.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I was going to mention that when you first told me you were going to see Sawyer in Nashville and also spend some time at Amy’s in east Tennessee, but figured you already knew that friendships can easily be taken for granted … until something makes you fully appreciate them.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	That’s so true. Although I prefer to have a small group of friends, and most of mine I’ve known for decades – either from elementary school, college, or my years living in Hong Kong. Unfortunately, though, none of them now live near me.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Friends do not require living in the same town, although that is usually how friendships begin. And, while we may not stay in touch as frequently as we want, over time, we see who our true friends are … they are the ones who are always there for us, during good times and bad. And, in my case, are brave enough to point out when they do not agree with me.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Very brave. My friends have it easier, but I count on them to give me an honest perspective no matter what, although I prefer when they agree with me.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Of course, you do. And, your friends should be thankful you are so easygoing.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Well, at the risk of sounding corny, with Thanksgiving just days away, it’s the perfect time to be truly thankful for our dear friends.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	It reminds me of the photo that Natasha sent us last year when she was celebrating “ Friendsgiving” with her friends in England.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Besides not realizing it was an actual thing and not Natasha combining the words “friends” and “Thanksgiving,” I was expecting photos of her attempt at making sweet potatoes or other traditional Thanksgiving foods , or maybe a bunch of Brits sitting around the table with the lone American. Not a photo of everyone’s shoes in the entry hallway.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	I never thought of Thanksgiving as being “all about the shoes”, but that image sums up the true meaning of the holiday.
red head assets.rebelmouse.io	Tell the truth; everything’s always all about the shoes for you. But, given this Thanksgiving will be the first without Mom, the image’s a wonderful reminder of the importance of friends who’ve been there for me this year. And I include you as both family and friend.
Black assets.rebelmouse.io	Once is enough for me. And, as the saying goes, you cannot choose your family but (like shoes) you can choose your friends. So, pick carefully, and then appreciate them.