Words & Banter

Selfish, Shallow … And Svelte?

Photo by Black

I keep thinking about Black's explanation in a recent Ask R&B about exercise that her motivation's "selfish and shallow" and due to the fact she's invested a small fortune accumulating size 2 clothing for decades. What she neglected to mention was that she wasn't always a size 2. And there was no apology just, in typical Black fashion, a statement of fact and an acknowledgment of her reality.

So, yes, on the surface, Black's motivation may seem, even to her, selfish and shallow. But the more I think about it, the more I think it reveals a side of Black that's not about her collection of designer clothing or even the financial investment.

First, there's commitment. A promise or decision to do something and stick with it. Yes, we all make commitments, but let's be honest, the ones we make, let alone keep, tend to be for short-term or one-off things. Like calling a friend or making sure we spend less time on our gizmo and more time with our kids or partner. We always start with good intentions, but how often does it truly become a lifelong habit? How often do we "commit" to something that will require a fundamental change in our behavior that will be difficult to make and even harder to maintain?

Which takes me to perseverance. Let's be real. How many of us could truly maintain a rigorous exercise schedule for years, let alone decades? Forget the motivation. That's a lot of years of keeping to something that at times is difficult and sometimes even painful. (Black hurt her back in high school doing gymnastics, has bad knees because of running on concrete for too many years, and I'm sure has the typical aches and pains that come naturally with aging.)

Finally, we have overcoming obstacles. I've already listed several, but this may be the biggest one of all. I know that Black loves pasta! (Occasionally, I've seen her indulge, but usually see her exerting extreme willpower.) In fact, she loves carbs. Full stop. And if that isn't a big enough obstacle to overcome, then I don't know what else to say to you. Except, keeping with the carb theme …

Cake may not be one of her temptations, but the proverbial icing on the cake regarding Black's "selfish and shallow" motivation is that because of her commitment, perseverance, and ability to overcome obstacles, she's also svelte.
Image by filipefrazao on iStock

When you think of cancer, do you think that’s something only older people need to worry about?

Well, you’d be wrong because it’s alarming how many people under 50 are getting cancer. (Think Catherine, Princess of Wales.) And while the exact causes remain under investigation, what we do know is that early detection through cancer screenings is crucial.

It should be a priority for all of us (men and women) – and not only during Cancer Prevention Month but year-round.



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I know that cancer isn’t the “death sentence” it used to be when we were growing up, but it’s still a very scary word. Especially if it’s heard “close to home”.


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When we were young, the word was rarely said. And if it was, it was whispered or referred to as the “ c-word.”


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Kind of like when I had my two miscarriages. No one wanted even to acknowledge, let alone talk about, them. Which made it all the more difficult to get through it, although intellectually, I knew it was not uncommon.


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Unfortunately, neither is cancer. It is the second-leading cause of death in the world, surpassed only by heart disease. But, at least, it is no longer a taboo subject.


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Please don’t make this about numbers. It’s about people. Which you should know. I’m sure you remember when Daddy was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer , which luckily was treatable. And I’ve had skin cancer, although I was very fortunate, it was caught early and easily treated.
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Black “flipped” Rendering by porcorex on iStock

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I know you don’t celebrate holidays, so I’m not going to ask you if you have any plans for Valentine’s Day, but you do know that February’s American Heart Month, right?


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Of course. Which means the American Heart Association’s “ Go Red” campaign is in full force. And, they are not talking about you. It is because heart disease is the leading cause of death – for both men and women.


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Don’t you find it ironic that Valentine’s Day – a “fun” holiday about letting people you love and care about know that you’re thinking of them … a holiday filled with Hallmark cards, squishy teddy bears, chocolate hearts – falls in the middle of such a “serious” month-long awareness campaign?
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Until two years ago, Red had never heard of “Dry January” (see our conversation below). But whether or not you’ve taken the challenge, it’s never too late to develop healthy habits. And, FYI, there’s also “Damp January.”



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I keep getting emails about where to go for mocktails. I know alcohol-free cocktails, like Virgin Margaritas, have been around for a while, but I’d never heard that term before. Do you think it has to do with New Year’s resolutions?


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It can if any of your resolutions are to lose weight, save money, sleep better. Or, drink less. Psychologically, January is the month when we “reset”, so a UK-based organization, Alcohol Change UK , started Dry January , where you abstain from drinking alcohol.


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Perfect timing since many people shop, eat, and drink more than usual over the holidays.


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I know you used to drink a glass of Cold Duck on New Year’s Eve, a tradition going back to our childhood, but that hardly counts as drinking. But, I have always wondered why you rarely drink, but never asked.
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