Words & Banter

RED & BLACK … Talk About … Speaking

Design by Sawyer Pennington, Underlying photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash


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Well, I figured it would be one of our best speaking engagements, or worst.

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If you review it in terms of all our speaking engagements since COVID, it was both.


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That’s because it was our only one. Although I’ll admit once we started talking, everything came back.


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That could be because we are just being ourselves and telling our real-life stories, so it is not like we have to memorize them.

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Yes, that definitely makes it easier. But you know me, once a straight-A student, always a straight-A student. And because we custom tailor each presentation, I need to make sure I know exactly what we’re including and how we may be personalizing it.

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That is why our slides are images, not words. Not only because that makes them more interesting, but they are prompts for us. Which is critical as we speak on a wide range of topics – from personal finance, one of our most popular, to various Life 101 things like relationships, time management, handling stress, and even your piles of paper.

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And that doesn’t even get into business topics. But given your comments are sometimes “off the cuff”, I can get distracted.

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Like years ago, when I threw in the slide of one of your stuffed animals asking you to tell the story of it writing you letters.

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I wondered why everyone was laughing, and then I saw the slide. However, I was thinking of the time we were talking about relationships, and you suggested taking emotions out of the equation. I know you’re a Vulcan, but I really wanted to be sitting in the audience instead of standing next to you. Not only because I couldn’t wait to hear what you were going to say, but I didn’t want to figure out how to respond.

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But, that is what makes Red & Black, Red & Black. We are real. And, we have different ways of looking at things. As do our audiences. All we do is give them food for thought.

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Speaking of which, I laughed when you opened our recent engagement to a room full of people who were fasting for Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, and the holiest Jewish holiday, with a warning that you were going to use a four-letter word starting with the letter “F” … Food!

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I never know how I am going to open until it happens. But, I know the day is about reflection, making fundamental changes, and trying to become a better person. And, is why Rabbi Scott asked us to present a workshop about money.

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When he first invited us to do a workshop in 2014, I questioned whether we were appropriate speakers for a spiritual journey since our approach is to “laugh and learn”.

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They are not mutually exclusive. And, explains why he had us back this year.


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It’s funny, but until we were asked to speak on Yom Kippur, I never realized how many of our stories involved food.


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I know. Even our first speaking engagement was at a professional women’s breakfast. And, our detour into criminal justice began at a prison with the only kosher kitchen in Texas. We seem to mention food at every turn.


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Which the audience loved. And with all my personal finance “duh moments” – from mindless spending at Jamba Juice to expensive grocery stores – it certainly gave them plenty of food for thought. Sorry, couldn’t resist.


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Impromptu comments like that, and even your apologies, make you more of a warm and fuzzy mom and less of a “perfect student” and, therefore, relatable. Not to mention, you were 40+ years old when your husband was fired, and you were forced to learn many life lessons you had managed to avoid.


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Thanks for pointing that out. Not my crisis, the unplanned comments. I remember how I freaked out the first time you changed the “script” on me. I was probably like a deer in headlights.


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You were. Which made it even more fun. For me, at least. Except I never changed the message or the order of the topics; I merely fine-tuned my comments based on “knowing your audience”. That is why I make a point of talking to people before we speak; I consider it “audience research”.


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And I’ve come to expect that from you. That’s why I enjoyed returning the favor the time we were about to step on stage in front of over 400 eighth graders at 8 a.m. and said, “Good luck and have fun, and oh yeah, eighth graders have the attention span of a gnat.”


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Oh, I remember. I also remember the feedback, and it ended up being one of our best events. The students, especially the girls, loved that I raced Ferraris and used car analogies, but the fact you were this warm and fuzzy mom admitting all your mistakes, freely and with humor, made you very relatable. And, your messages memorable and valuable.


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Well, we all know that kids will listen to almost anyone other than their parents. But I guess that can be said of spouses, too.


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No one wants to be told what to do. Full stop. But, everyone loves stories. And, we tell many of the same stories regardless of whether we are talking to students or educators, businesses or community organizations and religious groups. The only difference is that we select the stories based on the event and our audience.


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Which is why I like to be prepared and study my notes. Especially as we’re constantly adding new stories based on our lives. The good news is that we’ll never run out of stories. Or topics. However, my absolute favorite part of our speaking engagements is the end.


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I assume you do not mean when we leave the stage, but rather when we open it to Q&A.



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Exactly! In fact, I’d love it if our events were almost entirely Q&A. Especially since there’s nothing the audience can’t ask us. After all, you put my crisis into a book. And our daily lives online.


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That works for me, but how do you plan to “study” for questions you do not know in advance?

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Sometimes I think you prefer asking questions to answering them.


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And, sometimes, you think you can avoid my questions.

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Well, you’d be wrong because it’s alarming how many people under 50 are getting cancer. (Think Catherine, Princess of Wales.) And while the exact causes remain under investigation, what we do know is that early detection through cancer screenings is crucial.

It should be a priority for all of us (men and women) – and not only during Cancer Prevention Month but year-round.



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I know that cancer isn’t the “death sentence” it used to be when we were growing up, but it’s still a very scary word. Especially if it’s heard “close to home”.


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When we were young, the word was rarely said. And if it was, it was whispered or referred to as the “ c-word.”


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Kind of like when I had my two miscarriages. No one wanted even to acknowledge, let alone talk about, them. Which made it all the more difficult to get through it, although intellectually, I knew it was not uncommon.


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Unfortunately, neither is cancer. It is the second-leading cause of death in the world, surpassed only by heart disease. But, at least, it is no longer a taboo subject.


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Please don’t make this about numbers. It’s about people. Which you should know. I’m sure you remember when Daddy was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer , which luckily was treatable. And I’ve had skin cancer, although I was very fortunate, it was caught early and easily treated.
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Of course. Which means the American Heart Association’s “ Go Red” campaign is in full force. And, they are not talking about you. It is because heart disease is the leading cause of death – for both men and women.


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Don’t you find it ironic that Valentine’s Day – a “fun” holiday about letting people you love and care about know that you’re thinking of them … a holiday filled with Hallmark cards, squishy teddy bears, chocolate hearts – falls in the middle of such a “serious” month-long awareness campaign?
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I keep getting emails about where to go for mocktails. I know alcohol-free cocktails, like Virgin Margaritas, have been around for a while, but I’d never heard that term before. Do you think it has to do with New Year’s resolutions?


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It can if any of your resolutions are to lose weight, save money, sleep better. Or, drink less. Psychologically, January is the month when we “reset”, so a UK-based organization, Alcohol Change UK , started Dry January , where you abstain from drinking alcohol.


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Perfect timing since many people shop, eat, and drink more than usual over the holidays.


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