When we talked about how to change other people's minds in To Change Minds … Change Your Approach?, Red was shocked to learn that Black, her highly pragmatic (albeit extremely sarcastic) sister, who often thinks of disagreements as sport, actually suggested using approaches that seemed more in keeping with Red's "style" as a warm and fuzzy mom, who goes out of her way to avoid conflict.

Of course, that led to us talking (initially, Black thought Red just wanted to bask in the light of being right, but quickly realized that the straight-A student wanted to understand the approach better), and we ultimately created the following list because we both love lists.

We don't think of this as a definitive list, but we agree that you can't go wrong using any/all of the following approaches or (as Black would say) strategies … whether you're trying to change someone's mind or simply better understand their position.

1. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
   Aretha Franklin said it best … and respect should be part of everything we do. Everyday. Unfortunately, it seems to have gotten lost somewhere. It's ok to disagree, but if we'd treat one another with respect, we'd all be less defensive — and more open to understanding what we each think (and why).
2. See Another Side
   It's human nature to trust people who are like us or who see things the same way we do, and it can be difficult to understand different perspectives. Too bad Aretha didn't sing E-M-P-A-T-H-Y, but there's a reason for the expressions, "Don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes" or "There are two sides to every story" (although Black will argue there are at least three, and often more). Want the best way to understand another person's perspective or opinion? Ask them. And then listen.
3. Seek Common Ground
   Have you ever started talking with someone new and found you had something in common? Or have you ever been arguing with someone and suddenly found that you agree on something? Finding common ground can create a feeling of connection and comfort — sometimes even satisfaction or surprise. And even if it’s something small, that’s often enough to build on. So, look for it.
4. Remember, You're Not In A Courtroom
   So often, when trying to change someone’s mind, the tendency is to present your case as if you’re in a court of law defending your position while shooting down the opposing side. Our mom used to take that to the extreme, to the point that Black would start conversations with her by saying, “You are right. I am wrong. What is the topic?” The problem is that rather than starting from a place where you might be able to meet in the middle, it immediately puts each side in an extreme position. And all we can say is … good luck with that.
5. Leave A Way Out
   Have you ever been in a situation where you were certain you were right, and then during the conversation, realize that you might not have considered all the issues, or you may have been missing an important detail? Some people are better at dealing with that than others. (Black will merely say, "Fair enough.") Others will hold their ground because they're afraid they'll look stupid or weak if they "give in". If you're trying to change someone's mind, you need to make sure there's a graceful way for that to happen.
6. Emotion Overrules Facts
   In fact (pun intended), changing someone's mind is one of the rare situations when Black believes that Red's warm-and-fuzzy approach may be more effective than her own Vulcan-like approach. People often make decisions emotionally and then evaluate the evidence. And often, once a decision's made, people may resist believing "opposing" evidence or even "interpret" the facts so that it supports their decision. So, facts matter, but how you present them may matter even more.
7. Start With A Story
   We're a storytelling society. We remember stories long after we've forgotten facts and figures. And we remember what we've experienced more than something we have read or heard. It's the power of stories. So, we end our list with an idea of where to start the conversation if you want to change someone's mind: tell a story, give an example, conjure up a memory of an experience … anything that will make the topic relatable and provide an emotional foundation on which you can build.

WARNING: Although this post is about ways to approach changing someone's mind … keep in mind that it's a two-way street. If you truly listen and remain open-minded, you may, ironically, find yourself changing your mind.